When my grandfather was 18 he saw Harry Houdini jump off Newport bridge, there near the castle. Houdini was best known as an escapologist but he also used to be able to tense himself and let people punch him without him flinching.
I mention it because I would guess that some of you are doing a sort of mental Houdini trick as I speak. I'm not talking about escapology but about riding a punch. You know Proverbs 31:10-31 and you know that it describes what, on the face of it, appears to be the perfect wife, what one writer (Alison Le Cornu) describes as “the epitome of every man's conjugal dreams”.
Perhaps you have been beaten up with this very passage in the past. Perhaps, you've beaten yourself up with it in the past. So you're sitting there, as some people do in the dentist's chair, thinking "this isn't going to be pleasant but once it's over I'll be okay for another six or twelve months".
Now let me begin with a word of encouragement. I have not come here this afternoon to beat anyone up. As can often be the case, I think this passage has been rather misunderstood and far from discouraging women, it should be a passage they (and men for that matter) turn to not only to be challenged but to be encouraged too.
I don't know if it has ever struck you but this does seem an odd way to end the Book of Proverbs. The ending doesn't seem to be what we might expect.
What it is is an acrostic poem. We don't know who the author is but whoever finally put Proverbs together has chosen to end with it. Acrostic poems have been popular in many cultures at different times and in the Bible we have as many as 14 examples (besides this one there is most famously Psalm 119 plus eight other psalms, Lamentations 1-4 and Nahum 2). The Hebrew pattern was to begin each successive stanza with a succeeding letter of the Hebrew alphabet, which has 22 letters.
The poem here apparently describes the ideal woman. “An omni-competent woman” with “no blemish other than her perceived perfection” according to the writer I just quoted (Alison Le Cornu). Surely an unusual choice of subject for such a conclusion! There has certainly been an emphasis on men in the book so far, with references chiefly to the son but also to the shepherd, the farmer, and other predominantly male preserves. Several potentially derogatory things are said about the distaff side. Think of the adulteress, the nagging wife and so on. This closing passage comes, perhaps, as a refreshingly different approach.
On the face of it, it is an idealised description of a well-to-do woman of ancient times. At first, it appears to be a guide for men looking for such a wife, or for women wanting to be all that they ought to be. It is common for evangelical commentators to take it that way.
I have not read these books but they do make me a bit nervous for your sakes. I don't know if you know any of them. There are
- Susan Sikes' A Woman of Noble Character: Becoming A Proverbs 31 Woman in Today's Busy World
- Tiffany Langford Becoming a Proverbs 31 Woman: A 21 Day Devotional for Her
- Susan Nnanabu You - an Ideal Woman! Becoming the Proverbs 31 Wife and Mother
- Becoming the Noble Woman by Anita Young - a study based on God's blueprint for the ideal woman as set forth in Proverbs 31.
- The Noble Woman by Daunyae Harris This book is part of a 10 week Bible study where we breakdown 10 virtues found in the life of the Proverbs 31 woman. You will be challenged to evaluate every area of your life and undergo a complete internal makeover.
I'm sure such books have many good things in them but I have to say that the main purpose of these verses in Proverbs 31 is probably not to make women feel guilty about how much they need to improve as wives or mothers.
In Proverbs 1 and Proverbs 8 Wisdom is personified as a woman. Again, in 9:1-6 we have Wisdom as a welcoming hostess. In contrast, 9:13-18 introduces the woman Folly. There are various references to the adulteress in the book too and I think it is clear that they are there not only to counter physical adultery but also spiritual adultery too, when people are attracted to false teaching. Such warnings are found in Chapter 5 and 6:20-7:27.
In a similar way 31:10-31 teaches not only principles of feminine godliness, but also principles of wisdom that can be useful to all. Indeed, the main purpose of the passage, I would suggest, is to give a final, memorable picture of wisdom ‘at home’. Here we take up the invitation offered back in 9:4-6.
The scholar John H Stek has written that this final section
... constitutes a subtle return to the central theme of the book found in the opening speeches and forms with them an envelope around the book of instruction as a whole. Hence, it appears to be a recommendation to marry Lady Wisdom.
As for the deeper question of why wisdom (or its opposite) should be thought of in feminine terms I’d guess it has to do firstly with the fact that this book is framed in terms of a father speaking to his son.
Possibly, the idea that wisdom is often found where least expected is underlined but that sounds a little chauvinist I suppose. Maybe it has to do with the fact that women are usually physically weaker than men and so are more reliant on their native wit, the power of the mind and the subtle approach. We speak of feminine intuition, feminine wiles, etc. As a generalisation, it is fair to say that there is something more delicate, more gentle, quieter, more subtle, tender and thoughtful about the feminine approach as opposed to the often coarse, loud, rather gauche one that we associate with males!
The American teacher Greg Uttinger adds appropriately that
It is in their wives that godly men find or should find the clearest and the dearest personal representation of Jesus Christ.
If wives even approximate to the dignity, skill, energy and well-doing exhibited here in Proverbs 31 they will.
The wise woman is not an unusual character in the Old Testament, of course – Think of the wise woman of Tekoa (2 Sam 14), Abigail (1 Sam 25) and the woman from Abel Beth Maacah (2 Sam 20). They are obvious examples along with Rahab, Deborah, Samson's mother, Ruth and Esther, not forgetting Tamar and Bathsheba who display a measure of dignity and wisdom. Such women, like their counterparts today, epitomise what is described here.
We can divide what is said here about this ideal woman into three sections and we can speak about her desirability, her qualities and her glory.
1. Her desirability
Isabella wants to be popular with her friends and even a famous TV presenter one day. Jessica would be happier to get on in her present job and build up a healthy bank balance to put down on a house. Emily says that as long as she has her health and peace of mind that is enough for her.
Many people think that the great thing to have in this life is fame and popularity, wealth and success or health and peace. These are fine things in their own way but, as the Book of Proverbs sometimes reminds us, what we need more than any of these things is wisdom from on high.
Thousands of people in this country do the National Lottery week after week because they think that if they win the jackpot all their problems will be over. In fact, money solves very little. If you are a fool with a little, you will still be a fool when you have a lot. They won’t suddenly become wise (or happy) just because they have won millions – there is plenty of evidence for this. No, the great need is for wisdom.
At least three reasons are found here as to why wisdom is so attractive and desirable.
1. Her great rarity and innate worth (10)
She is worth far more than rubies (10). There are plenty of healthy people around in this world. In this country perhaps 90% are able bodied. There are plenty of rich people too. I am told that every 5,000th person in the UK is a millionaire! There is no shortage of famous people either, even if it is only of the 15 minute variety.
But how many wise people are there in this world? They seem to be so very few. Try to think of someone who is wise. Names do not immediately spring to mind. In civil government, in law, in medicine, in science, in the churches, there seem to be very few wise people. The thing we most need in every branch of learning and industry is the rarest asset of all.
Those of you who follow these things may know that back in 1986 when Prince Andrew married Sarah Ferguson he gave her a ruby ring, apparently because she was a redhead. The ring held a Burmese ruby that was then reported to be worth £25K. In today's terms that would be about £72K. Imagine that, a £72K ruby ring. But wisdom is worth far more than many such rubies!
2. Her power to provide complete confidence and everything of value (11)
Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value (11). Once you find wisdom and embrace her as your wife you can have complete confidence in her. Others may let you down but wisdom never will. You can put your full confidence in her. She will always do the best thing in every situation. You may lose your health, your money may disappear and your popularity may not last but if you have wisdom, you lack nothing of real value.
3. Her power to be a constant source of good and not harm (12)
She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life (12). A person who has wisdom has a constant source of good. Wealth and fame are as likely to do you harm as good. Not even health and peace guarantee inevitable good.
Have you recognised how desirable wisdom is? It is your greatest need. But where to find it? It is clear from the Bible that true wisdom is found only in Jesus Christ who is God's Word and God's Wisdom. It is by trusting in him that we learn to be wise. Trust in him. Trust in him more and more.
2. Her quality
A number of characteristics of true wisdom come out here. If we have true wisdom, it will produce these same characteristics in us.
1. She is careful and caring
See verses 13, 14 and 27 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar ... She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Careful selection of wool and flax is necessary to provide ample supplies for her needlework so that the family can be fed. Food stuffs are needed to nourish them. Today the woman might be headed for the haberdashers and the supermarket but the point is the same – she selects. She does not stuff any old rubbish into the supermarket trolley. She looks at the labels. Wise people are careful people. They choose with care.
2. She is diligent and hard working
What a hive of activity there is here!
See especially verses verses 15-19
She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her women servants. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She is not only up early but she works late too, if necessary. She is enterprising. In 21st century Britain she may be dealing with household appliances and tradesmen rather than with women servants, and a little business run from home may be more likely than buying fields and planting vineyards, but the principles of diligence and hard work don't change. Wisdom does not fly to you. You must be up and about working at gaining it and employing it. The distaff and spindle have also been superseded by purchases at the department store or the charity shop but vigour and strength are still the way forward and there must be no idle moments. At the end of verse 27 it says she does not eat the bread of idleness. Nor does anyone who is wise or who hopes to be wise.
3. She is giving and loving
20, 21 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She works for the sake of her family, but not only her family – also for the poor and needy. Anyone who lacks generosity and love has not begun to understand wisdom.
4. She is attractive and creative
22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. There's nothing dowdy about this woman Wisdom. She has flair. She not only knows how to provide for people but there is something aesthetically pleasing about her whole approach.
I will never forget the first visit to our church of Michael Toogood who is retired now but who worked so faithfully some years ago planting a church in the notorious Soho area of Central London. Among the pictures he showed us were “before and after shots” of the first family home in a block of flats there in Soho. In the first exterior shot even a glance revealed the dirty and dilapidated state of the residence. But the next shot was a burst of colour as a clean, freshly painted flat shone out from behind beautiful hanging baskets and standing pots of pretty flowers. He and his wife had transformed the place!
It has been argued that the power and beauty of 17th century paintings of Dutch interiors derive from the renaissance of Calvinism in that part of the world at that time. Certainly, wherever Christian people have gone in the way of wisdom there has been an undoubted beauty in the artefacts they have produced. We may not all be artistically gifted, but where wisdom is at work then beauty will be found too.
5. She is valuable and honourable.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. Inevitably wisdom brings both responsibility and honour. The city gate was where the elders met in ancient Israel and where judgements were made. If Wisdom is your wife you'll be given responsibility and while you remain true to her (to wisdom) you will be accepted and respected by all who love justice and fair play.
6. She is enterprising and outgoing
24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. We have already alluded to Wisdom's enterprising nature. Here she is seen not only providing for her family and for the needy but producing goods for sale at a profit both for her own retail and to supply others. Some take a narrow view and suppose that a woman's place is in the home and only in the home. That sounds more restrictive than the Bible. Wisdom certainly doesn't sit around waiting for things to happen. It sees where the demand is and supplies it. It is active in buying and selling. It is business-minded, commercial, enterprising, adventurous even.
7. She is dignified and assured
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. Wisdom gives a strength and dignity that cannot be bought. Some think physical exercise will secure their future. Others suppose the latest fashions will give them some sort of status. True wisdom recognises that dignity and assurance come from Christ. Only he can give us absolute confidence for both time and eternity.
8. Committed to teaching others
26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She is committed to teaching others. True wisdom always has an effect on others. Like the woman here who speaks wisely to others and faithfully teaches, so wisdom imparts its fruit to others. It may be in a formal setting such as Sunday School class; more often not. Chatting after church is often where a lot of good work is done. Whatever the circumstances, true wisdom finds ways to share its discoveries with others.
Which of these qualities are yours by God's grace? Where do you need to do the most work?
3. Her glory
In verses 28-31 there is a description of the rewards that the woman Wisdom receives. This brings home to us the glories of wisdom.
There are three things to notice in particular
1. She is gratefully praised by those nearest to her (28, 29)
Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. Those who have wisdom, who know Christ, will know gratefulness and glory, whether we think of it in terms of a husband's embraces or the praises of Wisdom’s children.
When you ask truly wise people the secret of their wisdom, they don’t say ‘Oh it’s me. I’m just like that’. No, they acknowledge that any wisdom they have is God given. They give the glory to Christ. Their highest praise is for him. Many have done noble things but the Lord Jesus surpasses them all. His alone is the pre-eminence.
Listen to this testimony from the wise. It is not wealth or fame or even good health or education that you need most but Christ.
2. She shows that charm is deceptive, beauty fleeting and the fear of the Lord pre-eminent (30)
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Charm can take you a long way in this world but it is deceptive. ‘Watch her - she’s a real charmer’ people say. Beauty, of course, does not last, however much help it receives from bottles, tubes and even plastic surgeons! But what does last is the fear of LORD - which, of course, is where wisdom begins.
In 1 Peter 3:3, 4 Peter is so bold as to give the women of the churches to which he writes some beauty tips. What does he recommend? Not outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewellery and fine clothes. By the way he's not banning elaborate hairstyles or gold jewellery or fine clothes he's just saying don't rely on these to look beautiful. Instead he says your beauty should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.
How are you seeking to make yourself beautiful?
3. She is the source of many great works for which she should be praised (31)
31 Honour her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. As with the neighbouring book of Ecclesiastes, Proverbs ends with a reference to the judgement. Here we are at the city gate, the place where Wisdom's voice is first heard in this book (1:21) and the place of judgement. And who is before the court, or perhaps better, whose name is on everyone's lips? The name of this woman. And so it will be on the final day of judgement itself. The name on everyone's lips then will be the name of Christ, God's wisdom, for then it will be realised that every good work ever done has been done through him.
Will your good deeds be on display on that day? It is only possible to have any truly good deeds through the Lord Jesus Christ, God’s wisdom. Therefore, look always and only to him. That is the message of these verses and of the whole Book of Proverbs and hopefully of this message too.
This paper was given at an EMW Conference for minister's wives in Bala
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